meow

So the power just went out & all the windows in my house are shaking really loudly. And I can’t find any flashlights and I’m alone. Great start to the morning.

im so happy that i only really rely/trust a couple of people in the world. i know that sounds cold and unrewarding,but honestly it works so well for me. im open to new people and im very loving and giving in all my friendships. however, i  expect KNOW 95% of the people in my life will not be in my life for a long time. that doesn’t stop me from being extremely loving though. i just don’t depend on people at all. im very giving but i dont expect anything in return because i know i cant rely on people.

i think its kinda annoying though when this girl texts me 24/7 for months(like 3,000 texts a month) & like we tell each other everything & then when we have the opportunity to hang out they dont really seem into it. it kinda feels like we’re secret friends. its fine though, its not devastating. its more so just confusing. its probably because 2 out of 4 of their best friends absolutely hate me.

also, i realize that in general, i incite 2 reactions out of people.

either

a) they realllyyy like me and have this delusional idealization of me. i dont think im really worthy of this kind of admiration AT ALL; its honestly really confusing. but ive definitely had a lot of people that borderline worship me & would do anything for me. idk if it’s beacause i’m confident and nice and it makes people feel really comfortable. i have no idea and i know this prob sounds arrogant but like i’ve had multiple tell me over the years that i have the personality type that makes it easy for people to obsess over me.

OR

b) they just can’t stand me. like they think i am the most ridiculous annoying person ever. like they can’t stand to be around me and they think that every word that comes out of my mouth is absurd. i can totally relate to this camp. 70% of the time i think im just ridiculous.

there are people that are apathetic, but i feel like thats just a small part of all the people ive ever come in contact with.

Also, I can be kind of brutal with people that upset me. It’s really hard for me to pretend that I like people once they’ve hurt me or once we’ve just grown apart. I think I just get so hurt that I have to cut people off completely. I don’t want there to be any confusion. I just want them out of my life.

I LIVE for the olympic swimming relays.
SOO fucking exciting.
Omg it takes me back to all the relays I swam growing up.
My mom would always say “why can’t you swim like that in your individual events???”
There’s so much excitement and adrenaline that goes into relays. Love it :)

growtobegood:

i mean like..

i’m over here all excited

and then the internet decides to ruin everything

i mean really am i supposed to stay off the internet the whole day?